Session date: Monday, March 20, 2017
Game date: Saturday, July 19, 209
PCs:
Tod P. Quasit, Jr., Fighter 3, hp 16, xp 7614/8000
Gulleck Stonefoot, Dwarf 4, hp 23, xp 13434/17000
Tyrriel, Elf 2, hp 7, xp 7550/8000
Caryatid, Magic-user 4, hp 19, xp 15148/20000
Simon Sackwell, Halfling 2, hp 6, xp 3930/4000
Retainers:
Father Jibber, Cleric 3, hp 16, xp 3885/6000
Wilhelm, Magic-user 2, hp 4, xp 3260/5000
Brother Chase Pike, Cleric 2, hp 11, xp 1915/3000
Kevon, Fighter 1, hp 5, xp 116/2000
For the first time in months, Tod and Tyrriel's players were available to play. Such a rare occurrence necessitated an epic session - the defeat of the orcs!
Tod and Tyrriel were still gender-swapped after their sampling of the magical fountains in the Temple of Hedonism, so hopefully I'll remember to get the pronouns correct in this report. The first order of business for the party was to purchase a metric ****ton of oil to make the orcs go BOOM. We discussed back and forth a bit about what size barrels they were expecting to buy, and we eventually settled on two 16 gallon barrels (roughly like half kegs of beer), for which I set a price of 200 gold pieces each. Considering that a flask of oil (which I take to be a pint) costs 2 gold pieces, this seemed like a reasonable extrapolation with a hefty volume discount. Still, given that I eyeball a gold piece as roughly $10 in modern money, that's a pretty expensive purchase. They still had the handcart that they had used to retrieve the gilded idol a few sessions ago, and now they lowered the cart and barrels into the dungeon using the Rusty Lantern's winch, with the help of the trapdoor guards.
They were on their own getting the barrels and cart down to the second level of the dungeon, though. They went to their custom-built shaft leading into to the shrine formerly occupied by shadow creatures and prepared to lower the cart and barrels laboriously down the shaft. Gulleck and Tod went down first to recover the barrels at the bottom, and then they lowered the cart. I made the PC guiding the ropes make a dexterity check in order to avoid mishap. (That's a d20 roll, at or below your Dexterity score.) A bad roll led to the wheel of the cart getting snapped off on the side of the shaft. Tyrriel's player also rolled poorly for the first barrel, and it cracked nastily against the side of the shaft, spring a leak. Gulleck stepped out of the way, but Tod was clumsy and got drizzled with oil. They were able to patch the leak in the barrel using a chunk of wax that Gulleck had been carrying around for ages. The second barrel made it down fine. The cart was shot without professional attention, but no matter: the orcs were just around the corner.
Once the rest of the party joined Tod and Gulleck, they carried the barrels into the hallway just south of the orcs' lair. Two orcs stood guard in front of the stairs that descended into the apartment complex they lived in. Tod picked a fight with the orcs, and decapitated one before the alarm could be raised, with Gulleck just as quickly killing the other one. They opened the stopper on one of the barrels and gave it a push down the stairs into the orcs' lair. Oil splattered all over the stone steps, leaving a trail behind the barrel, just like some kind of Roadrunner cartoon. Simon pulled forth flint and steel and scraped them together trying to draw sparks. Meanwhile, several orcs had come up to the stairs to confront the adventurers.
One of the orcs was no ordinary orc. Although he had piggy eyes, bristly hair, and little tusks jutting up from his protruding jaw, his features were unmistakably those of Tod (or at least those of his original male appearance)! Tod and Gulleck had only a moment to consider this strange twist of events, when suddenly Simon managed to ignite the oil that drenched the stairs. Unfortunately, Tod as well was drenched in oil, and she was suddenly engulfed in flame. She backed into the hallway, and dropped to the ground, rolling to put the flames out. Gulleck, meanwhile, fought with the orc version of Tod, and then human Tod stood up, looking singed and scorched but no longer on fire, and put a sword through her strange alter ego.
Then there was an enormous BOOOOOOM and flash of light from down below in the orcs' lair, as the barrel of oil ignited, accompanied by the dying shrieks of many orcs. To maximize confusion, the adventurers quickly ran around to the other entrance to the orcs' lair, and then charged down the stairs into the large central courtyard of the apartment complex. Half a dozen orcs lay dead or dying on the ground. Puddles of oil still burned next to the exploded remains of the barrel. Another half dozen orcs attacked the party angrily, spurred on by a big fierce looking orc. Swinging a big club was Lorg, the brutish ogre that had sent the party running once before. And just like there was an orc version of Tod, here the adventurers found savage, brutish versions of Brother Chase and Debbi! Both were quite recognizable but were already showing the signs of transformation into orcs.
"You abandoned us!" shouted the orc Brother Chase. "You left us to fend for ourselves here!" The adventures made feeble efforts to justify themselves, but there was little time for conversation. The battle raged. Tod engaged an orc in melee, Wilhelm tried to take cover, but was also attacked by an orc. Tyrriel was surrounded by two orcs, but his plate armor fortunately deflected their blows while he spoke the magical words of Sleep. Gulleck found himself under attack by Lorg the ogre, as well as the orc Brother Chase.
The battle was somewhat anticlimactic. Half the orcs were already burnt to death, and Tyrriel and Wilhelm managed to cast their Sleep spells and put all of the orcs and their allies to sleep. The orc versions of Brother Chase and Debbi were tied up with the intention of rescuing them and given nicknames. Caryatid had taken to calling her attractive retainer "Brother Beefcake", so the orc version was dubbed "Brother Orccake". And Debbi somehow became "Orc Debbiorc". Real serious grimdark stuff, this game.
In the center of the courtyard was an enormous pit, some twenty feet deep. In the darkness below, amidst bones and rubble, two enormous snakes slithered. Gulleck and Simon donned their rings of animal control and the giant pythons attacked each other until one was dead, and then the adventurers shot arrows at the other one while Gulleck held it still with the ring.
Having put the orcs to the sword (or the flame), the party explored the various apartments surrounding the courtyard. They found the orcs' treasure room, containing several thousand gold and silver coins, and several sacks of the white "rage dust" powder. In another room they found a horrible idol made of wicker and bone. Brother Jibber put it to the flame. They found a man, manacled to the floor and apparently tortured, who could do nothing but scream and spit. Although he didn't seem very appreciative, Tyrriel insisted on rescuing him, first tying his hands and feet.
Finally, the adventurers found a room containing one of the most horrible revelations they had yet discovered in the dungeon. On pallets were laid the corpses of many dead orcs, in various stages of decomposition. The "freshest" orcs were at one end of the room, smeared with strange oils and pigmented powders. Farther away, the bodies of the orcs were decomposing into a chalky, powdery substance. At the far end of the room were trays of the off-white powder, set to dry. Partially filled sacks of the powder hung near the trays.
"Nope!" said Gulleck, and they went to fetch the other barrel and blew up the entire room with it.
Triumphant, the party made their way back to the surface, bringing Orc Debbiorc, Brother Orccake, and the insane man with them, shuffling along at swordpoint. The orcish copies of Brother Chase and Debbi grumbled the entire time about how the PCs had abandoned them at the resurrection pool, how the orcs had found them and given them shelter, food, and clothing. One big guilt trip all the way back up to the Rusty Lantern.
With the XP gains from the orcs' treasure, Tod and Simon both levelled up. The adventurers agreed to start the next session right where we left off, to see if the survivors could be somehow healed of their derangements.
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