Session date: Monday, June 4, 2018
Game date: Dreaming as the days go by
PCs:
Gulleck Stonefoot, Dwarf 7, hp 41, xp 70930/140000
Caryatid, Magic-user 4, hp 19, xp 19846/20000
Simon Sackwell, Halfling 4, hp 15, xp 8697/8000
Adrien, Fighter 3, hp 9, xp 7664/8000
Retainers:
Manley "Meat" Smythe, Fighter 5, hp 17, xp 16523/32000
Father Chase Pike, Cleric 3, hp 13, xp 4079/6000
Orin, Elf 1, hp 4, xp 1780/4000
Jack, Thief 3, hp 10, xp 2461/4800
"You have done well to get this far, travelers. Now you must face your final challenge. Defeat me in mortal combat and you will be victors of the game. But be forewarned, I do not intend to die easily."
So spoke the lamia that was the white queen of this strange chess game, the sun gleaming on her silver crown and chainmail. The adventurers felt oddly refreshed and unhurt, although they also noticed that Orehoe was again absent from their party without anyone having noticed her leave.
The battle began, and immediately turned ugly. The lamia cast an uncomfortable gaze upon Gulleck, and with a smirk said, "Come stand beside me and defend me, my dear." Gulleck totally failed her saving throw and her face went blank as she turned to face her own comrades, her magical axe glinting in the sun. And then everyone managed to roll 1s on their attacks, dropping their weapons and tripping over their own feet all over the place. The lamia's longsword slashed through the air while the adventurers scrambled to retrieve their weapons. Jack leaped up to a low hanging tree branch and scampered into the cover of the foliage.
The battle was a bit dicey without Gulleck, but Adrien managed to deal some substantial damage with the Goblin King's scintillating "disco sword", and Orin finished off the lamia with a well-placed arrow.
"Well fought," she acknowledged through gritted teeth. She slumped to the forest floor, and her body was engulfed in a cloud of smoke. When it cleared, all that remained was her silver crown and the ermine-lined cloak she had been wearing. This latter item proved to give a remarkable feeling of security and protection when worn, and pleased with their victory spoils, the group proceeded to the south, out of the strange chessboard landscape.
An obvious trail led through the dense woods to the south and quickly turned to the left. Every couple of hundred feet or so, there was a signpost with two painted boards, one labeled "T. Diumm" and the other marked "T. Deeous". Both signs pointed in the same direction however, and continued to do so with each signpost. Soon they emerged into a wide clearing in the woods, where a little cottage stood beneath an immense tree. One last signpost pointed at this cottage, and in front of it stood two bizarre men, as still as waxworks. They were short and plump, and wore nearly identical outfits of short breeches and grubby shirts. They stared back at the party with a haughty gaze.
Gulleck chanced a word. "Pardon me, gentlemen, but..."
"Who do you suppose this rag-tag lot is?" interrupted the man on the left, looking at his twin.
"Haven't the foggiest, old chum. Mayhap they'll bugger off."
"Now, just a..." tried Gulleck.
"Shall we speak to them?" interrupted the first man, still ignoring Gulleck.
"Only if we must... they do appear a stupid lot!"
"Now there's no need to be ru..." ventured Gulleck.
"WHY DON'T YOU GO BOTHER THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER?" shouted the two men in unison, drowning out Gulleck. Both of them shot an arm up, pointing down a forest trail that left the clearing to the northeast.
"Fine with us," said Simon. "Let's not waste our time with these jerks."
"Rude!" chided Gulleck as the party left the two men alone in the clearing and headed down the trail.
As they walked through the woods, they began to hear the familiar sound of ocean waves on a shore, and the smell of the sea became noticeable in the air. Soon they emerged from the woods onto a wide sandy beach. Ahead of them, the sea glittered brightly in the sunlight, stretching out to the horizon. Walking along the shore were a pair of strange creatures. One looked like a walrus (not that any of the adventurers knew what a walrus looked like!) that walked upright on its stubby, flipper-like feet! Walking next to him was a man dressed in denim overalls. The pair spotted the party, and began waving and calling to them to come down to the shore, seeming very friendly.
The adventurers made their way down to join the odd creatures on the beach. The pair were effusively friendly in their greeting.
"Welcome, friends! Are you travelers who have lost your way, or are you perhaps come to seek treasure from the sea?"
"Well," considered Gulleck, "a bit of both, to tell you the truth. We're not at all sure how we got here. But we are always interested in treasure."
The Walrus and the Carpenter exchanged glances with a smile.
"Well then," said the Walrus in a rich, plummy voice. "I wonder if you'd be interested in helping us settle a grudge, and earning yourself a nice reward in the process?"
"You see," explained the Carpenter, "my friend and I were diving for oysters in this very sea, and some senile old wizard showed up and told us they are *his* oyster beds! Cursed us, didn't he?"
"And now the merest touch of ocean water is unbearable to us," mourned the Walrus, a large tear rolling down his whiskery cheek.
"It's not even like he was using them!" blurted the Carpenter. "So if you'd be willing to head out there and bring us back some oysters, we could all have a nice lunch and get back at him all at once! And some of the oysters have pearls inside then, you know."
"You'd be welcome to keep any pearls you find," offered the Walrus.
"Well, we wouldn't be averse to one or two ourselves, if you could find it in your heart to share," said the Carpenter.
"What about this wizard?" asked Simon. "Won't he curse us?"
"Oh no," said the Carpenter. "He up and left. That's the worst part: cursed us and took off on holiday!"
So the party agreed to swim out and fetch some oysters and were offered the use of a weathered but sturdy rowboat. Caryatid decided it was such a nice day that she decided to simply swim out into the bay by herself, after leaving her backpack and boots on the beach. Some distance from the shore, she peered into the water and could see that the ocean bed beneath her was littered with oysters in various sizes, from ordinary to almost a foot across. The seabed seemed to form a sort of underwater ridge, and the larger oysters seemed more numerous deeper down. She called back to shore, and Marcel her flying monkey was sent out to her carrying a burlap sack.
Caryatid held her breath and dived down to the field of oysters, opening her eyes as much as she could underwater and reaching for any oyster she could grab. Her hand closed on a shell, and she rose back to the surface, handing the oyster to Marcel. She dove several more times, returning with a large oyster and then a giant oyster. At this point Marcel's bag was full, and they returned to the shore. The oysters were pried open and the largest one contained an enormous pearl! This roused everyone's interest and they discussed ways to make this more efficient.
The Walrus and the Carpenter offered the use of a weathered but sturdy rowboat that was beached some ways up the shore. Gulleck removed her armor and she, Caryatid, and Orin took the rowboat out, bringing with them several ropes that were attached to sacks filled with sand from the beach. When they got to the oyster field, the boat was maneuvered above the deeper portion of the ridge, where the largest oysters were most numerous. The ropes were tied to the boat and the other ends with the sandbags were dropped down into the water. Orin stayed in the rowboat to make sure it didn't drift and that the ropes didn't come loose. Gulleck and Caryatid entered the water, held their breaths, and descended, using the ropes to pull themselves down as far as they could go, groping with their hands in the dim and blurry water for the largest oysters they could find. They surfaced with their oysters and Orin helped heave them into the rowboat.
Twice more they repeated this, bringing back more giant oysters, but on the fourth dive Gulleck was feeling along the ridge for an oyster when suddenly an enormous clam opened its shell and clapped shut on her leg! Gulleck thrashed in the water, trying to pull her foot free. Caryatid, somewhat higher on her rope, heard the bubbles and disturbance of the water, and looked down through the water to see Gulleck struggling some depth below. She quickly shot back to the surface of the ocean, and held on to the rowboat with one hand while using the other hand to trace the mystical sigils of the Magic Missile spell. A glowing golden arrow appeared at her shoulder and she ducked her head back underwater, peering through the gloom for the clam in order to let the arrow fly. It shot down into the water, leaving a trail of golden light behind it and the clam rocked with the impact. Meanwhile, Gulleck (rapidly running out of air) took the direct approach and punched the clam inside its shell with her Gauntlets of Ogre Strength. The clam's grip on her foot immediately loosened and she was free. Gulleck pulled the giant clam up from the sea bed and soared back up to the rowboat, gasping for breath when she broke the surface.
The trio returned to the shore, to the applause of the Walrus and the Carpenter, who had been busy started a small cooking fire on the beach and boiling some ocean water in an iron pot. The oysters were pried open, and two more large pearls were obtained. Then they all had a lovely lunchtime feast of boiled oyster and clam meat. There was bread and butter, pepper, and vinegar, and everyone enjoyed the feast.
When everyone had eaten their fill, the adventurers asked the Walrus and the Carpenter if they knew of any way out of this strange land.
"Hmm," mused the Walrus. "You should probably seek out the Red and White Queens, at the Manor House beyond the woods." And so the party bid their farewells to this odd pair, and headed back into the woods.
[DM's note: I'm not quite sure the whole diving sequence was remotely plausible. I've been snorkeling before and found it quite difficult to dive any distance, even with fins and mask, and of course opening one's eyes in ocean water seems like it would be quite difficult too. Still, I would rather err on the side of an entertaining set piece rather than ruling that it's flat-out impossible, and besides, we *were* in a surreal dreamland here.
It turns out the Carpenter (actually a high level thief) easily pickpocketed the pearls away from the adventurers during their picnic, replacing them with a bag of ordinary pebbles, but as luck would have it the players never thought to check on their pearls afterwards and never noticed the substitution!]
The adventurers returned to the cottage of T. Diumm and T. Deeous, and the twins were still standing outside where they had left them.
"Oh, it's you again," said T. Diumm, much more friendly than before.
"How do you do?" nodded T. Deeous. "Any chance you're here to get our treasure back? Might be a reward in it for you!"
He went on to explain that a hideous giant crow had stolen his favorite sword and a red bag with some of his brother's belongings, and flown east into the Tulgey Wood. The group agreed to retrieve the items, especially since they apparently needed to pass through the woods anyway.
"Oh jolly good! But, beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!" warned T. Diumm.
"The what?" asked Gulleck.
"Oh, you don't want to tangle with them. Nohow!" said T. Deeous.
"Contrariwise, if you do, just make sure you survive!" advised T. Diumm.
And the adventurers turned away from the strange brothers and headed east into the dark Tulgey Wood.
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