Session date: Monday, March 27, 2017
Game date: Saturday, July 26, 209
PCs:
Gulleck Stonefoot, Dwarf 4, hp 23, xp 13805/17000
Caryatid, Magic-user 4, hp 19, xp 15519/20000
Simon Sackwell, Halfling 3, hp 11, xp 4320/8000
Retainers:
Manley "Meat" Smythe, Fighter 3, hp 17, xp 5042/8000
Brother Chase Pike, Cleric 2, hp 11, xp 1915/3000
Kevon, Fighter 1, hp 5, xp 116/2000
The adventurers emerged blinking into the mid-afternoon sunshine outside the Rusty Lantern tavern. They had with them Brother Orccake and Orc Debbiorc, bristly of hair, tusky of tooth, and generally foul tempered, and a man tortured to the point of derangement, spitting and snapping at any that came near. Trying to avoid crowds as much as possible, they led their captives through the ramshackle neighborhood near the Rusty Lantern through the narrow streets of the city towards the wealthy quarter in the southeast of the city. They eventually came to the grand open plaza, at the far end of which stood the Great Cathedral of Light.
They entered the cathedral, and inquired with an acolyte regarding whether it were possible to heal their three captives of whatever curse had affected them. They were brought to the office of Father Merrimoon, who looked over the tragic state of the three and offered the Church's aid for a mere 7,500 shekels. Each. Everyone hemmed and hawed and tried to ask for a discount, but the fact was that this *was* the discount rate, given the Church's extreme gratitude to Gulleck and Caryatid for their assistance retrieving the Holy Lantern last year. Eventually everyone agreed to chip in the healing of the poor deranged victims.
Brother Orccake, Orc Debbiorc, and the unnamed madmen were escorted by several burly acolytes into a room, with the rest of the adventurers left to wait anxiously in a small waiting room. Time passed, and then Brother Orccake and Orc Debbiorc came barging in, arguing loudly with two acolytes that were trying to calm them down. They no longer resembled orcs in their features, but they were as sullen as ever.
"You left us!" shouted Brother Orccake. "We got in that pool to cure Debbi's heart problem and, well, just because in my case, and then you walked away and left us! We were in the dungeon, in the dark, without food or clothes. The orcs found us, and what choice did we have except to hang with them? They were better friends to us than you turned out to be!"
Caryatid tried to reason with her irascible retainer clone, but he wasn't being soothed. "You know what? Forget it! I'll find some friends who appreciate me. Come on, Debbi!" And the two stormed out, without a word of thanks for the 1,500 gold pieces the party had just invested in them.
Next up came the tortured madman. He was dressed in a simple white robe now, and was now calm but seemed to be in shock. He told them his name was Eric. He could barely remember the past couple of years. He knew he had been living in the dungeon with a group of his friends ("Oh no, not the hippies!" groaned Caryatid) but had been captured by the orcs and tortured. It was all like a blurry dream. They had been an adventuring party once. They called themselves "The Soldiers of Peace", for they were really just in this adventuring game to have a good time. They had had a lot of success adventuring; they had even infiltrated the palace of the Goblin King and found their way to the goblins' treasure vault! But he told them about how they were caught by a mob of goblins and hobgoblins and chased out of the palace. "It was like a maze in there! Nothing made sense. But I remember we wrote down in a logbook the turns we had taken to find the treasure vault. I think we still had it when I was captured by the orcs." The Soldiers of Peace had eventually decided it would be easier to just live in the dungeon and do their adventuring straight from there, without having to get in and out every time. And after that decision, everything was kind of blurry for Eric.
But now Eric's memories of his life before adventuring were coming back. He had friends in the city that he intended to seek out and reestablish his life. He thanked the adventurers for rescuing him from the orcs and left with a hopeful smile on his face. And indeed, a couple of days later he tracked them down at the Rusty Lantern to tell them he had reunited with some old friends who had kept some items that he had left behind when the Soldiers of Peace left to live in the dungeon. Now Eric gave the party two potion vials, saying he had no more use for them. One was recognized as an invisibility potion, and the other seemed to have little bubbles continually streaming to the surface; when sipped it gave a feeling that the sipper was being lifted up out of his shoes.
A week after they had emerged from the dungeon, the adventurers reunited at the Rusty Lantern and prepared to head down again to mop up some loose ends. They descended via their usual path to the second level. When they emerged into the hallways, they found that some changes had occurred in the dungeon in the past week. The walls of the hall were festooned with ratty streamers, and several posters had been pasted to the walls. The posters depicted the smug, ugly visage of the Goblin Prince, surrounded by a motto in bold Common: "The Goblin Prince: Making the Dungeon Great Again!"
Gulleck wasted no time in burning down the posters and streamers, and then they moved on. Passing by what was formerly the orcs' temple, they saw that the door was open and light streamed out. Cautiously entering, they found the temple occupied by a single hobgoblin, who was looking thoughtfully at various aspects of the room.
"Oh, hello!" he chirped. "I'm just doing some redecorating here. This will make a wonderful feast hall for the Goblin Prince. Oh, did you hear? Someone wiped out the orcs, which left a wonderful power vacuum for the Prince to step into. It was quite fortuitous, really. Well, I'll be off, now. Toodaloo!"
And with that he left, leaving the party to marvel at the changes made to the temple. The painting of a hideous tentacled beast on the eastern wall behind the altar had been painted over, and a vague outline of the Goblin Prince's face had been sketched in with charcoal. The big ritual drums of the orcs still lay in one corner, and the adventurers decided to get rid of those fearful drums once and for all. Gulleck and Meat hoisted the drums and they marched off towards the chasm with the rushing water deep below (where they had ditched the orcs' gong some time ago). They beat the drums loudly as they marched, which of course triggered a wandering monster check every single turn. And in fact, wandering monsters did approach: a trio of the horrible featureless white figured that attacked with elongated arms and drained the very life out of their victims! Yes, it was at this point that the penny dropped: the adventurers had forgotten to patch the hole they drilled in the door of the Hotel Lethia, and the creatures were now free to roam the dungeon at will.
However, not much happened today. Caryatid whipped out her Wand of Paralyzation and suddenly there was a crack, a flash, and then there were three white figures in fetal position on the floor of the dungeon, twitching and shuddering. Axes and swords came down, and the creatures dissolved into rubbery liquid that drained into the flagstones.
On they went, continuing to bang the drums gleefully. This drew the attention of another wandering "monster", in this case Brother Jed and his gang of bandits. Brother Jed was once a retainer of the adventurers but now he was the spiritual leader of a bandit gang and led them forth to smite evil in the name of God.
"Oh!" gasped Jed. "Caryatid and Gulleck, how good to see you! You should be more quiet with those drums. Did you hear, someone killed all the orcs and the Goblin Prince took over their old lair!"
"Uh, yeah, we heard something about that..."
Wishing Jed and his boys a safe delve, they continued to the chasm, where they set the drums on fire (why?!) and sent them plunging into the rushing river far below.
Now, they were apparently feeling really tough, so they decided to pay the Goblin Prince a visit and find out what was going on. So back to the dungeon hallways they went and strolled up to the entrance of the apartment complex where last week they had fought the orcs. Four goblins stood guard at the door, dressed in tabards with a stylized version of the Goblin Prince's face.
"You can't come in, this is the Palace of the Goblin Prince!"
Caryatid waved an arm imposingly and cast the words of Sleep upon the goblins. Three slumped to the ground and before the fourth could react, Kevon yelled "Duck!" and shot a crossbow bolt over the heads of Brother Chase and Simon to kill the fourth goblin stone dead.
In they went into the courtyard. The orc corpses were all gone, and now the Goblin Prince sat on a wooden throne, surrounded by goblins as well as a few hobgoblins and bugbears clustered around the throne. He looked much as they remembered him, a fat pretentious schoolboy given power way beyond his ability to handle it.
"Ah, visitors! Have you come to pay obeisance to me? To pay me tribute? Just put it on the ground and my servants will collect it from you."
Simon started to talk smack with the Goblin Prince about the orcs. "You guys aren't worried that whoever killed the orcs might come back and take you out?"
"Oh, the orcs were expelled by the glorious Army of the Goblin Prince!" said the Prince pompously. "We purged this area of those beasts and making the dungeon great again! You should speak with more humility. Our next project is to build an enormous wall to keep you humans and dwarves out of my dungeon! And we're going to make you pay for it, too."
"You just keep telling yourself that," scoffed the diminutive Simon. "We took the orcs out and we can do the same to you!"
"Are you threatening me?" roared the Goblin Prince. "Kill them!" he ranted, pointing at the adventurers. "Kill them all!" A mob of goblins drew their rusty little swords and rushed towards the party.
"Ha, time to leave," laughed Simon, and the party raced up the stairs and out of the goblin lair, pursued by nine goblins, their shouts echoing off the hallway walls. "Let's lead them to Green Caryatid's house! We can 'ding dong ditch' her!" said Simon. He was really enjoying this!
So they ran over to where Caryatid's "evil twin" lived, with the sound of the pursuing goblins behind them. Caryatid slipped on her ring of invisibility and then banged loudly on the door of her clone's apartment. Then they ran further down the hall. Brother Chase tried to open a door for them to hide within, but it was stubborn and before he could get it open, they goblins had caught up with them.
Caryatid tried to use her wand of unpredictable magic, but once again, it suddenly reduced her and her pet monkey to 6 inches tall! On the bright side, she was pretty much no longer a target. Simon, Kevon, and Brother Chase all ran into the hall to do battle with the goblins.
Caryatid waved the wand of wonder again, and this time everything went black, as a sphere of magical darkness covered the hallway. The goblins shouted in panic, and Gulleck tried to prod their fear by bellowing, "The darkness of the King of Shadows envelops you!" Not bad for a spur of the moment improv.
Well, the next thing that happened was that further back up the hallway Green Caryatid opened her door and shouted, "How dare you make all this noise outside my home! Get out of here, all of you!" Then there were the chanted words of a spell Caryatid didn't recognize and then there was a BOOOOOOM and a rush of unbearable heat in the darkness. When the flames subsided, all of the goblins were dead, and so was Gulleck's faithful henchman Meat!
But no, perhaps he wasn't! The fireball had brought him down to -1 hit points, which is of course dead and I have never bent this rule. However, another house rule that we've had from the very beginning is that after every combat, each character that took damage can regain 1d4-1 hit points. This is meant to indicate the portion of hit points that represent fatigue, "will to fight", etc., that could be regained after a breather.
Gulleck's player rolled a 3, which meant Meat was still alive but practically unconscious at 1 hp. They helped him to his feet, and the group staggered out of the darkness and managed to escape the dungeon without further incident.
I quite liked this application of the 1d4-1 rule. I've always thought that there should be some option of just being knocked unconscious rather than always going from perfectly fine at 1 hp to stone cold dead at 0 hp. So I like the randomness of allowing this roll for characters that were brought below 1 hp, but only by a bit. We don't make the roll under after combat is over, so it adds uncertainty, but doesn't create the absurd situations we see in later editions where characters pop in and out of consciousness repeatedly and it's nearly impossible to die. So unless it causes any other issues, this application of the house rule will be permanently in place in my campaign.
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